Showing posts with label alcohol. Show all posts
Showing posts with label alcohol. Show all posts

An Enlightening Conversation with 3 Women


I was having a drink and a conversation with 3 women at a bar when somehow the topic of political propaganda and false "everybody knows" statistics came up. Yes, I probably raised the topic myself. I can't remember just now. Anyway, I used as an example the repeatedly disproven lie that 1 of every 4 women in the United States (they claim this for every nation in the world actually) has been raped.

I said, "this is not only not true, but independent researchers trying to find the source of this claim traced it back to a study funded by the Ms Foundation in which a very small number of college women were surveyed and then the feminist conducting the survey assigned them the status of rape victim based on her slanted view of heterosexual sexual behavior rather than on their own statements as to whether or not they themselves had been raped.


Raped by the Ms Foundation


In other words, she declared female students to be rape victims who said they were not.

This kind of arrogant "we feminists know what's best for you silly girls" is a standard feature of the American Female Supremacist viewpoint and always has been. Nevertheless, the results of the study, which was conducted only of college girls, not women in general, were released along with the claim that 1 in 4 of the college women surveyed had been raped, including the ones who said that they had not. From there it was taken up by feminists as a favorite mantra and modified to be a rape statistic for all women everywhere.


I believe ...

My Blonde Female Friend sitting next to me looked at me with wide eyes and said, "I believe one out of four is wrong. I believe it's more. I believe three out of every four women have been raped."

"What?? You can't be serious," I responded. "The one in four claim was preposterous and then it was disproven. Do you believe three in every four men are rapists? Because that's basically what that's saying. Either that or there are a handful of very tired rapists out there running around with no time for anything but raping and more raping. How could you possibly believe that 75 percent of women in America have been raped?"

"Well, I was raped. It was a friend of mine. It was date rape. Most of the girls I know lost their virginity that way. So I think three out of every four women have probably been raped."

As I sat there looking at her in disbelief, My Brunette Female Friend sitting to the right of My Blonde Female Friend turned and said, "I agree with her. I think it's probably three out of four. I was basically molested by a guy and I know a lot of women have been somehow molested or abused. I think three out of four women have been sexually abused in some way. She's right."

"But we're not talking about sexual molestation," I protested. "We're talking specifically about rape."

"Well," she countered, "it doesn't matter. I still agree."

"Me too," My Blonde Female Friend concurred. "I agree with her. Three of every four women have been raped."


"But that's not what she said," I responded. "She said molested and you said raped and the two are not the same."


And then a third female friend jumped into the conversation.

"I agree with them, too," she said. "My ex husband beat me and I have a lot of friends who were abused and beaten by boyfriends and husbands. I agree."

"That's domestic violence," I said. "We're talking about rape."

"She's right," My Blonde Female Friend stated very matter-of-factly. "see, it's three out of every four. We've all been raped."

"Yes, I agree, too," My Brunette Female Friend nodded.

The Third Female Friend also nodded.

"But the three of you are all talking about something entirely different!" I erupted. "You're talking about rape," I said as I pointed to the Blonde. "You're talking about sexual assault," I said now pointing to the Brunette. "And you're talking about domestic violence," I said as I pointed to the Third Woman. "And all three of you are agreeing as if you're talking about the same thing, but you're not! That's insane!"

All the women nodded and smiled, happily agreeing with each other even as they all held entirely separate conversations which none of them were really listening to or paying any significant attention to.

"Is this how women normally talk about important issues?" I asked. "Do you all just agree to go along with whatever each other says even when you don't really know what the others are talking about?"

"I guess," My Blonde Female Friend said, still smiling the same wide-eyed smile of total empty detachment.


Problem?


"What's wrong with that?" The Third Woman asked.

"What's wrong is that our nation's laws and people's lives are affected by this kind of thinking and I find it highly disturbing that you have all agreed to go along with whatever the others are saying even though you don't have any idea what the other is saying. You seem to just like the idea of women being victimized by men, whether its true or not, and it doesn't seem to bother you that there is no logic or reason to agreeing with someone who has said something entirely different than what you're saying. It's like I've walked through the looking glass into Wonderland and nothing makes any sense."


Welcome to Hu Ha land


"What wrong with that?" they all said together.

It was an "ah ha" moment, a moment when I began to see behind the curtain of the Female Mind to the crazy little wizard hiding behind it, frantically flipping levers and spinning dials to try to maintain the illusion of sanity.

"The three of you make no sense," I said. "And yet you have all agreed to go along with one another without any concern whatever to what is being discussed or whether any of it has even a shred of truth to it. And you're happy with that. It doesn't seem to concern you that horrible injustice results from that or that lives are destroyed. It doesn't seem to concern you that no one can follow your logic, because there isn't any, and in fact, you can't even follow each other so you don't even try to. You just go along to get along. And isn't that how date rapes often occur? Isn't that where a lot of sexual abuse comes from, just going along and not saying what you really think or feel, so that the person molesting you doesn't even know that they've abused you? How can they know if you just smile and go along as if everything is OK while they're peeling off your clothes?"

They all just smiled at me and continued nodding and drinking, not hearing a single word I had said, but happily agreeing.


I agree absolutely

I sat there with them, My Crazy Female Friends, for the rest of the night, quietly drinking and absorbing the insanity that I had just experienced. I don't understand women. I thought I did, but now I think I don't even want to. I'm afraid I might be disappointed if I did.

Or insane.

Perhaps when it comes to women, men are the same way, lying to ourselves just to get along, happy in our blissful ignorance, believing them to be innocent angels who just happen to have nice boobies and a warm place to put our HapPenis every now and then. And perhaps we don't really want to know what I just learned because it screws with that paradigm.


You want the truth?
You can't handle the truth!


Are all women crazy? If so then men must be, too, because we love them and give our lives to save theirs when the situation calls for it. We risk everything just for the chance to be with them. Surely that must be insanity.

So here's to insanity, a toast to the madness that binds us together and rips us apart and then brings us back together again for makeup sex. May none of us ever end up hooked up with a Lorena Bobbitt or an OJ Simpson or a Mary Winkler, and may I never again see that crazy person behind the curtain pulling the levers to keep the illusion going.


I am Oz, the great and powerful!





No Anal Please

I was up late, late, late last night writing a lovely post for all of you, my three loyal readers, when I suddenly looked at it and realized, "this is utter shit." So I stuffed it away and here I am with no time and really nothing specific to say.

Have you ever noticed how the women in porn films try so hard to make any and every sexual act look like they just love, love, love it? But when it comes to taking it in the ass, well, even the best of the porn stars can't make it look like anything other than ... porn. They try to make the patented open mouth and moan expression, but in unguarded moments, or rather unedited, the look on their faces just says "get your dick out of my ass, you fuckhead!" It's true. God never intended for porn stars to take it up the ass. That's why he gave them vaginas and extra large mouths.

Did you read the news story about the Balloon Boy? Yeah, I could link to it, but I'm too lazy and if you haven't already read it by now then chances are it held no interest for you so why would you click the link this time, right? See, I'm always thinking about shit like this.

Is it just me, or are all of you, my Blogrades, noticing that as you write a new post Blogger underlines every single word, as if they are all misspelled? What's up with that? Maybe it has changed my settings to Chinese and expects me to write in little cartoon characters? I should probably check that.

Madonna is in the news again. Her neighbor has called the cops on her for being too loud and obnoxious. Remember when Madonna would be in the news for fucking donkeys and ugly Italian men with porn mustaches and shit like that? Now she's in the news for being a lousy neighbor. My how times have changed. I'll bet even Madonna can't make anal look like she's enjoying it. Speaking of that, doesn't Sean Penn have a face that looks like he's perpetually taking it up the ass and is not happy about it? It's true. Go Google him and see for yourself. No, I'm not going to upload a fucking picture. Geez, you are SO lazy.

America has another scientist spy that has been caught selling our national secrets. Stewart Nozette said he thought he was selling our secrets to Israel, which somehow makes it OK I guess. But as it turns out, he was selling them to Canada. Yep, those damn Canadians are always sneaking across our borders in Zambonis and blowing shit up. Damn Maple Leafs fans! We'll get you one of these days, eh!



There's a fabulous article out on Yahoo about tired people (me) and various things we do at the office that zap our energy. Or is it 'sap' our energy? Anyway, I'm not going to Google something as stupid as zap vs sap, so let's just build a bridge and get over it so we can move on, shall we?

Energy Zapper #1 - Being addicted to email

OK, I get way too much email and that's a fact. I get email all over the damn place. I even have an email account that is so old, almost everything in it is junk emails that overwhelm me. So I mostly abandoned that account. Yes, I gave you that email address, Steph, and I know you emailed me there once, but I almost didn't even see it because it was stuffed between emails from Senator Lamar Alexander and Men's Health Girlish Tip of the Week. But I'll be honest with you guys, lately I have been flipping through my email like a German speed train, trashing anything and everything I just don't have time to give a shit about and only responding to emails that are very, very important (hot girls.) It does eat too much of my time and detract from my productivity, that's for sure. But it's not half as bad as it used to be when I felt compelled to repond to every single email.


Energy Zapper #2 - Visual Clutter

OK, you got me. I have projects out the ass and little piles relating to each project all around my office. And on the corner of my desk is a pile of newspapers relating to the financial and political events of the day, which has been depressing the hell out of me these past 2 years, but nevertheless, is important for me to know. But as I complete the projects, the little pile associated with it goes either into the recycle bin (yay, I'm SUPER green here) or else into a folder in case I need to refer back to it at a later date. Of course, the projects I keep in a folder, I never need to refer back to, and the projects I recycle I always do. That's just how it works. Fuck me.


Energy Zapper #3 - Being bored

Listen, life is never boring when you work primarily with Microsoft products. Frustrating as hell maybe. Lots of screaming and cussing and throwing things across the office, sure. But boring? Never.


Energy Zapper #4 - Poor Posture

Oh come on, have you ever seen a genius at work in his office? I used to know a guy back in college, a grad student, who would work in his office with the lights off, slouched so far down in his chair that you almost couldn't see him. I swear if he could have gotten them to assign him a recliner he'd have used that. People were always commenting that he almost appeared to be asleep in there until they looked more closely. Genius losers are notorious for poor posture. And poor fashion, too. Right now I'm wearing a $40 pair of Dockers and a polo shirt I probably got at WalMart and which has a tiny hole the washer made while fading it from electric blue to a dull Buick blue and turning the black stripes into gray. And I am considered pretty fashion-concious by genius loser standards. You should see some of the other guys.


Energy Zapper #5 - Toxic Indoor Air

Hey listen now, guys fart. That's just what we do. Don't give me a bunch of shit about it. If you don't like it, turn on the fan and get out.


Energy Zapper #6 - Eating too much at once

Too much what? The article doesn't say. Or I am too lazy to read further and see. I don't have any food in my office. At lunch I eat whatever I can get, which is usually nothing except a protein shake. Yeah, you'd think this would mean I was all lean and ripped and looking awesome, what with my working out so hard and then only taking a protein shake for lunch every day. But no, you'd be wrong if you thought that. I look like a pile of shit in Dockers and a faded polo shirt from Walmart.


Energy Zapper #7 - Living in Artificial Light

I have 2 big windows in my office which allow me to see the Fall rain and gloom all day long and soak up that despair with every cell in my body. True, the lights overheard are artificial, but there's a hint of sun sneaking through all that darkness out there and I'm sure it's somehow helping me grow a nice healthy root system in preparation for Winter's suicidal gloom.


Energy Zapper #8 - Listening to Negative Nellies

I live in the most feminist nation on Earth. We export the hate to other nations because we have such a huge surplus of it. It's in every news story, every commercial, every billboard along the highway, every rock song in which a grown man sings about babies and afterbirth, every police policy, every speech by President Obama - the first lesbian president in America, and sure as hell in every law and bill on Capitol Hill. So as far as negative nellies go, it all depends on your point-of-view. If the destruction of the entire male sex is something that makes you smile then this is the country for you. But if not, its hard to smile without closing your eyes and pretending you're living on the moon, far away from all the haters and cunts. Don't even get me started. God, I'm tired. SOOO tired of it.


Energy Zapper #9 - Holding a Grudge

The article seems to indicate that actively holding a grudge against an individual takes a lot of energy. I think that must be why my wife is so tired at the end of each day. Did you know that women remember every single tiny little thing that you ever did that offends them, irritates them, or mildly rubs them the wrong way? Yes, every single thing! She can remember things she says I did 10 years ago, which I don't even recall doing. And she's mad about it, by God! I'm too busy dealing with the latest new attacks from hate groups funded unknowingly by American taxpayers to actively focus on something done to me a long, long time ago. But when that does happen to me it's called a "flashback" and I try to shake it off and move on as quickly as I can. That's what iPods and loud heavy metal music is for. That's what alcohol is for. That's what casual sex is for. It helps you to take that pain and shove it way down deep inside, because nothing is ever going to be done about it. My representatives in government have made that abundantly clear to me. Their job is to do not one damn thing to benefit me. And my job is to blog about what a bunch of useless cunts they all are. Grudges? Who's got the time for grudges? There's so much shit going on right now, today, in my face, that I can barely remember my own fucking name, let alone what shit you did to me years ago. Shut the fuck up and get me another drink!




Hangover Finalists of 2008


Taxi! Ta .... oooh, a river of beer!


Dude, this is the most awesome blind date EVER!


Occupied


She drinks and she's limber. Oh, I think I love her!


Head over heels in love with beer


I can't imagine how this man lost his license


What's a roofie?


It's my birthday. I'm 21. Yaaaay!


Screw you and your stupid car with the windows that don't roll all the way down!


Step!


Told you not to use the handicapped toilet


Look what I found under my seat. It's a little drunk dude.


Stiff neck in the morning


What's with the watermelon?


Sooooo ... you gonna walk me or what?


I see London, I see France, I see .. uh ... nuts


Help me ... I think I broke my penis


Hello lay-deeeeeeez


This is why we use the regular toilets for this sort of thing.