A friend has sent this message about a consideration made by the Brazilian nobel prize winner Dr. Drauzio Varella:
"En el mundo actual, se está invirtiendo cinco veces mÃis en medicamentos para la virilidad masculina y silicona para mujeres, que en la cura del Alzheimer.
De aquà a algunos anos, tendremos viejas de tetas grandes y viejos con pene duro, pero ninguno de ellos se acordará para que sirven".
It means:
"In today's world, they spend five times more for virility medicines for men and silicone for women, than for curing Alzheimer. In a few years, there will be women with big tits and men with hard dicks, but they won't remember, these are for doing what!"
***
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Nigerian email hackers have souls
Tomorrow morning I am leaving for Nigeria. I was wondering if I should take my laptop with me or if it was better to leave it at home? In my mind, Nigeria is full of hackers who can steal things effortlessly from your computers just by looking at it! Then I received an email and it changed the way I look at Nigeria and Nigerians.
Yesterday I received a "different" spam message from alicesary2(at)gmail.com. It made me aware about the tough jobs poor email hackers in Nigeria have to do. Sending countless emails to people who don't believe in their crying stories, about being stranded in foreign lands needing emergency money or widows of millionnaires wishing your help in getting at their millions, must be tough and job-satisfaction must be low, apart from pangs of guilty-consciousness for duping poor sods who believe in fairy tales.
OK guys, next time I put your message in the dump-box, I won't curse you, I will smile and think about your tough lives! Here is the message:
Yesterday I received a "different" spam message from alicesary2(at)gmail.com. It made me aware about the tough jobs poor email hackers in Nigeria have to do. Sending countless emails to people who don't believe in their crying stories, about being stranded in foreign lands needing emergency money or widows of millionnaires wishing your help in getting at their millions, must be tough and job-satisfaction must be low, apart from pangs of guilty-consciousness for duping poor sods who believe in fairy tales.
OK guys, next time I put your message in the dump-box, I won't curse you, I will smile and think about your tough lives! Here is the message:
Hello Dear,
Since you aren't falling for my African romance scam, let me be up front with you. Because I am actually a Nigerian man, you owe me something. I am entitled to reparations from the rest of the world, including you, due to the misdeeds of my forefathers who sold their family members and neighbors into slavery.
I am also entitled to handouts since my nation is rife with corruption and graft and has no hope of ever creating a decent civilization for itself. Since you have not sufficiently helped us, that is your fault, not ours.
Most of all, you owe me for all of your unfounded prejudice against us.So start paying up now, by Western Union. I will accept $12,000 USD from you over a one year period in monthly installments of $1000 USD.
Otherwise I will emigrate to your country and never cease to be a social problem for you. A word to the wise is sufficient.
Regards,
"Alice Sary", as good a name as any
Climate change and dwindling arm-pit forests
There was an article on the international year of astronomy. It had beautifully illustrated pictures of different shapes of galaxies that have been photographed with potent telescopes. The pictures show specks of lights joining together to make shapes like rings, caps, spirals, etc.
It is difficult for us to imagine the distances to stars in our own Milky Way galaxy. The idea of travelling with the speed of light for a thousand years to reach a star in our own galaxy is difficult enough to grasp. Try to think of millions of other such galaxies, each expanding out forever or getting sucked back in to black holes and the distances that separate them from us, then you can understand the limits of our own imagination and understanding.
Can there be beings that are thousand light years larger to us humans in size, who inhabit this universe and walk around, taking giant strides, and for them the galaxies are like flats in an apartment building, that they pass while going to the office? At the end, it is just a question of proportions!
Because our earth is so tiny in comparison, smaller than a small pinhead compared to this universe of galaxies, and on that tiny little pinhead of earth, to those giant beings we humans would be like sub-atomic particles. Who knows if they can see us in their microscopes? or may be they have not discovered us yet?
That started me thinking about the bacteria and viruses, those tiny sub-microscopic living things that we can’t see but we can sneeze them out to pass on swine and avian flu to our fellow humans or eat in millions mixed in our yogurt. Like for us the distances to all those galaxies are unimaginable, perhaps to the bacteria that live on our bodies, we human beings are like planets or galaxies?
Like a bacteria living on our foot thinks that the little toe where s/he lives is his/her country, our body the earth, the other persons in our house the solar system and doesn’t know if there is life at those far away stars that are the apartments we can see from our window. Who knows if they have passport checks for going to other toes? And the catastrophs like we taking shower or an oil massage or getting licked by dogs or our lovemaking, that occasionally destroys all the living bacterial dinosaurs and makes for "breaking news" of the bacterial news channels. "Another cyclone is going to hit toeland, residents are request to evacuate!"
For them the distance between my house and my office must be like thousands of light years away.
Actually our bodies are like complex ecological systems as mentioned in an article on The Week recently.
"What I found most surprising was the great diversity of bacteria living on the skin," said Julia Segre of the US National Human Genome Research Institute in Bethesda, Maryland, who led the research. According to the first big census of microbes, parts of the body such as the moist armpits were akin to tropical rainforests in terms of the type of ecosystem the bacteria inhabit, whilst other areas of skin were like dry deserts."The second most surprising finding was that the skin was like a desert with moist areas like streams such as the armpits, and isolated oases of life where there are rich reservoirs of deep diversity, such as the navel," said genetics specialist Segre, whose study is published in the journal Science.The human bodies are ecosystems, believed home to trillions of bacteria, fungi and other microbes that naturally coexist in the skin, the digestive tract and other spots.
And for millions of those living beings, climate change means your new deodorant or the antibiotic pill you pop in. Try imagining yourself submerged and surrounded by a living complex ecological system and you will understand that all those antiseptics and disinfectant sprays, cloth washers, dishwashers that marketing guys want you to buy from all the TV screens and ads, are actually all ecological disasters, killing millions of yet undiscovered bacterial and virus species and probably promoting scourges like antibiotic resistance, killer viruses, new kinds of allergies, etc.
Perhaps we human beings are also one of those killer viruses that sprang out and colonized the whole earth because one unthinking giant being killed all the dinosaurs because a dust particle hit him?
So please, don’t shave your armpits. And don’t put deodorants or other lotions. I don’t mind the smell. I prefer a living world on my body-planet. Down with artifical "civilization" and back to nature.
All Humour is Caused by Just Eight Patterns
Is there humour in the picture of the woman kissing the monkey dressed as a man?
20 Mar 2009 10:00 Africa/Lagos
All Humour is Caused by Just Eight Patterns
CARLISLE, England, March 20/PRNewswire/ -- Evolutionary theorist Alastair Clarke has today published details of eight patterns he claims to be the basis of all the humour that has ever been imagined or expressed, regardless of civilization, culture or personal taste.
"All it takes is the surprise recognition of one of these patterns to trigger humour," says Alastair Clarke. "Sometimes a single pattern is the cause but just as often combinations of two or three are recognized simultaneously. Theoretically there is no limit to the number of patterns that may combine to make a person laugh."
Clarke has stated before that humour is based on the surprise recognition of patterns but this is the first time he has narrowed them down to eight specific types.
"Some of the patterns are quite simple and easy to understand. The most basic is what we call positive repetition, which just means that something is repeated in a similar form with the same purpose. The repeated item can be anything - an action, an entity, or a property.
"Then there's opposition, in which something is turned against itself. You might think of this as seeing a reflection in a river or turning an arrow back to point in the other direction, creating a pattern of symmetry.
"Another is what we call 'scale,' where we take something and repeat it in a different size. The item remains the same but the scale it's on changes, which is a common way to form a visual pattern.
"Unfortunately not all the patterns are quite so intuitive. Completion, qualitative recontextualization, translation, division and applicative recontextualization make up the remaining five.
"While it may seem bizarre to some, these few patterns are the real stimulus that makes us laugh, regardless of the content of the sit com we're watching or the funny story we're being told.
"They've also played a vitally important role in the evolution of the ingenuity of the human race. Their unconscious recognition has enabled humans to develop an intellect capable of analysis and invention on an unprecedented scale."
Clarke's findings are published today in a book entitled The Eight Patterns Of Humour, part of a series based on his Pattern Recognition Theory. A free eBook is available at http://www.pyrrhichouse.co.uk/eightpatterns for a period of 30 days.
"The book describes the eight patterns in detail and then goes on to explain precisely what people find amusing in more than a hundred different types of humour, demonstrating the unparalleled universality of the theory."
Clarke's research is based on the observation of many thousands of instances of humour. The analysis of ten thousand of these is to be made freely available on the internet as The Humour Ten Thousand during 2009. For more information visit http://www.pyrrhichouse.co.uk/research.
http://www.pyrrhichouse.co.uk
Notes to editors:
Alastair Clarke is an evolutionary theorist living in Cumbria, United Kingdom. He was educated at Oxford and London universities. http://www.pyrrhichouse.co.uk/alastairclarke
Alastair Clarke is available for interview.
Source: Pyrrhic House
Contact: Nicola Hern t: +44(0)7980-098652, e: nicola@herncommunications.co.uk
Mexican Epitaphs
My friend Mario works in a hospital in Naples and his passion is to send around funny messages. In his network he has become famous, so now whenever someone comes accross something special on the net then s/he passes it to Mario, who sends it to his ever increasing mailing list. And when Mario is on night duty, you can be sure to get lot of his funny messages.
The funny mexican epitaphs came from him. I am not sure if these epitaphs actually exist some where or if some one has made them on photoshop.
The funny mexican epitaphs came from him. I am not sure if these epitaphs actually exist some where or if some one has made them on photoshop.
The first one says: "Tomas Jimoteo Chinchilla, 1967 - 1989, Now with you Lord, be careful of your wallet, Lord". Actually poor Tomas died just at 22, was he a thief ?
The second one says, "Here rests Pancrazio Juvenales, 1968-1993, good husband, good father and bad household electrician". Even Pancrazio died young at 25, may be had an electric shock while checking the fuse ?
The third one says, "Gustava Gumersinda Gutierrez Guzman, 1934- 1989, Remembered by your children (except by Ricardo who didn't contribute)". At least he didn't die so young (died at 55) though his name with all those G's looks a bit suspicious.
Finally the last one. It says, "Here rests my beloved wife Brujilda Jalamonte, 1973-1997, God take her with the same joy that I am sending her to you". Poor Brujilda was just 24 and her husband was already so tired of her that he sent her off cheerfully to meet God?
Journey to Brindisi
Every time I am going to travel I start worrying about different thiungs that can go wrong. When the journey is by train, the anxiety is lesser, I just need to make sure that I have sufficient time for the connecting trains. When the travel agency tells me that there is a connecting train just ten minutes after arrival, I usually tell them to forget it and to look for a train after at least one hour. It is rare that a fast train of Ferrovie Italiane does not have delays of 10-15 minutes and with other non-fast trains, the delays are usually much longer.
I was not worried about my journey to Brindisi. It is a straight train, no need to get down and change trains, so even if there will some delays, I can relax and arrive calmly. Brindisi is in the lower eastern tip of Italy, a famous port city. In 1931 even Gandhi ji had taken the ship for India from Brindisi port after his journey to UK for some meeting.
Our house is quite close to the Bologna railway station and a journey by car usually takes 10 minutes. However, my wife was busy so she could not have accompanied me and I needed to take a bus. I checked the bus timings and decided to be prudent by leaving an hour earlier. In about twenty minutes we were quite close to the railway station when the first problem cropped up in the form of a traffic jam. To do the last two km of the journey, it took another 20 minutes. It seemed that there was some kind of protest demonstration in the area that was driving the traffic mad.
Anyway, I had still 20 minutes to my train and the railway station is not so far from the bus stand. At the station, it seemed the train was on time and I reached the platform, a bit huffy puffy from carrying the suitcase over the stairs, but still with five minutes to spare.
Five minutes passed. Another five minutes passed. Then another five minutes passed. They were making lot of announcements but they forgot to say anything about our fast Eurostar train. Finally a sign of “delay of 10 minutes” appeared on the sign board, even while the delay was already of 15 minutes. Then after a few minutes the announcement about our train, a last minute announcement of a change of platform. An old lady with two heavy looking suitcases looked me with imploring eyes and asked for confirmation, “Have they changed the platform?”
So when we reached the other platform, I was even more out of breath. Anyway, I had made it to the train. I have my laptop with me with couple of films I want to see. I also have my lunch packet plus some papers for reading. Eurostars trains are quite nice inside with electric sockets, so that on journeys you can use your laptops and other electric gadgets without any problem.
However another surprise awaited me in the train. I had the corner seat right near one end of the carriage that had no folding table or electric socket in front of it. It is just not my day, I had thought. There must be only 7 or 8 such seats on the whole train out of the total 700 seats, yet it was my luck to get one of them and I am sure if I really wanted that kind of seat, I wouldn’t have ever got it!
“I have an eight hour journey, can you please find me another seat?” I asked the ticket controller. He nodded in sympathy and so I have moved to another seat with a table and a socket for plugging my laptop. The controller hasn’t actually said if if this seat is free right up to Brindisi or I would need to shift back to my original seat at some point in time, but I am not complaining!
I was not worried about my journey to Brindisi. It is a straight train, no need to get down and change trains, so even if there will some delays, I can relax and arrive calmly. Brindisi is in the lower eastern tip of Italy, a famous port city. In 1931 even Gandhi ji had taken the ship for India from Brindisi port after his journey to UK for some meeting.
Our house is quite close to the Bologna railway station and a journey by car usually takes 10 minutes. However, my wife was busy so she could not have accompanied me and I needed to take a bus. I checked the bus timings and decided to be prudent by leaving an hour earlier. In about twenty minutes we were quite close to the railway station when the first problem cropped up in the form of a traffic jam. To do the last two km of the journey, it took another 20 minutes. It seemed that there was some kind of protest demonstration in the area that was driving the traffic mad.
Anyway, I had still 20 minutes to my train and the railway station is not so far from the bus stand. At the station, it seemed the train was on time and I reached the platform, a bit huffy puffy from carrying the suitcase over the stairs, but still with five minutes to spare.
Five minutes passed. Another five minutes passed. Then another five minutes passed. They were making lot of announcements but they forgot to say anything about our fast Eurostar train. Finally a sign of “delay of 10 minutes” appeared on the sign board, even while the delay was already of 15 minutes. Then after a few minutes the announcement about our train, a last minute announcement of a change of platform. An old lady with two heavy looking suitcases looked me with imploring eyes and asked for confirmation, “Have they changed the platform?”
So when we reached the other platform, I was even more out of breath. Anyway, I had made it to the train. I have my laptop with me with couple of films I want to see. I also have my lunch packet plus some papers for reading. Eurostars trains are quite nice inside with electric sockets, so that on journeys you can use your laptops and other electric gadgets without any problem.
However another surprise awaited me in the train. I had the corner seat right near one end of the carriage that had no folding table or electric socket in front of it. It is just not my day, I had thought. There must be only 7 or 8 such seats on the whole train out of the total 700 seats, yet it was my luck to get one of them and I am sure if I really wanted that kind of seat, I wouldn’t have ever got it!
“I have an eight hour journey, can you please find me another seat?” I asked the ticket controller. He nodded in sympathy and so I have moved to another seat with a table and a socket for plugging my laptop. The controller hasn’t actually said if if this seat is free right up to Brindisi or I would need to shift back to my original seat at some point in time, but I am not complaining!
***
The surprise came at the end. The train reached Brindisi after a 7 hours and 40 minutes journey, exactly on time. The journey back was equally impressive, it arrived in Bologna five minutes before time!
While I got down from the train in Bologna thinking that perhaps Ferrovie Italiane has indeed changed for better, I heard the announcements. The train for Bari was delayed by 60 minutes because of engine failure. Some other train for Rome, Rimini and Milan also had delays. Guess we were just plain lucky!
Here are a few pictures from this short trip to Brindisi.
Chinglish Adventures
Recently I travelled to some small towns in south of China. The quality of hotels available there is really good.
Often there are products for sale in the hotel rooms including oils and potions for increasing your sexual potency for both men and women, with fairly explicit pictures on the packets and claming near miraculous properties. I was wondering how Chinese traditional medicine market is facing the challenge of drugs like Viagra.
It was reassuring to see packets of condoms among those oils and potions. About a decade ago, while discussing of the danger of AIDS with the mayor of a Chinese city, he had continued to insist that there was no prostitution in China. He had not even believed me when I had told him about midnight calls of giggling girls in the hotel room, who were probably sex workers.
This time the midnight giggling girls left me in peace, probably they thought that with my greying hair I was not worth wasting their time. With all those packets of oils, potions and condoms, I guess the sex worker industry is also booming in China.
Some times, the packets carry the instructions in English also. Probably some of these translations were done automatically by the computer, from Chinese to English and often I had difficulty in making sense out of them.
Like this green packet that I found in the bathroom in a beautiful hotel in Lu Feng city that is a masterpiece of Chinglish writing. The packet was of “China Shenyang Yirenbao biochemical product” and the text behind the packet claimed the following:
“Will have one’s hair wash, raise and take place, have the bath, skin care to make up in best way Come, the personage staying temporarily has offered a easy bathing in order to go out to travel Bath way, there is a bag’s, have no other it to ask. Product this prescription include many kind high-quality to is it itch, get rid of dandruff, not moist to take place, not moist to stop Skin compositions. With after make hair the elegant slip suitably, make skin whiten and lubricate, combine special addition country import perfume spices, long result stay fragrant, make you wash and come from behind the bath The letter, wash out the health.”
Often there are products for sale in the hotel rooms including oils and potions for increasing your sexual potency for both men and women, with fairly explicit pictures on the packets and claming near miraculous properties. I was wondering how Chinese traditional medicine market is facing the challenge of drugs like Viagra.
It was reassuring to see packets of condoms among those oils and potions. About a decade ago, while discussing of the danger of AIDS with the mayor of a Chinese city, he had continued to insist that there was no prostitution in China. He had not even believed me when I had told him about midnight calls of giggling girls in the hotel room, who were probably sex workers.
This time the midnight giggling girls left me in peace, probably they thought that with my greying hair I was not worth wasting their time. With all those packets of oils, potions and condoms, I guess the sex worker industry is also booming in China.
Some times, the packets carry the instructions in English also. Probably some of these translations were done automatically by the computer, from Chinese to English and often I had difficulty in making sense out of them.
Like this green packet that I found in the bathroom in a beautiful hotel in Lu Feng city that is a masterpiece of Chinglish writing. The packet was of “China Shenyang Yirenbao biochemical product” and the text behind the packet claimed the following:
“Will have one’s hair wash, raise and take place, have the bath, skin care to make up in best way Come, the personage staying temporarily has offered a easy bathing in order to go out to travel Bath way, there is a bag’s, have no other it to ask. Product this prescription include many kind high-quality to is it itch, get rid of dandruff, not moist to take place, not moist to stop Skin compositions. With after make hair the elegant slip suitably, make skin whiten and lubricate, combine special addition country import perfume spices, long result stay fragrant, make you wash and come from behind the bath The letter, wash out the health.”
Funny chocolates cause scandal in Bologna
Bologna has rightly the reputation of being a very progressive and tolerant city, but occasionally someone comes out and starts shouting scandal.
That is what happened day before yesterday in the main city square. There was the annual chocolate fair that brings chocolate makers and people who love eating chocolates from all over Italy to Bologna for three days. It is a unique opportunity to taste special handmade chocolates in special tastes that you can't find in shops and superstores selling packaged factory made chocolates.
Among the different chocolate makers was also "Roccocicco chocolate company" from a small city called Cento near Bologna. Cristina Merlin the chocolate maker along with her pastry maker husband likes making funny shaped chocolates, among which a special version of penis shaped chocolates called Rocco, named after the Italian porno star Rocco Siffredi. Cristina claimed that those chocolates are modelled after the real specimen of the pornostar though reduced in dimensions.
Walking through the shops in the chocolate fair, I noticed the crowd in front of Cristina's Roccociocco shop. She had a much bigger varieties of chocolates compared to the other shops, with specialities like chocolate covered cheese in different colours, bugs bunny shaped chocolates, etc. However, the most popular product of her shop were those penis shaped chocolates costing 10 Euro each. Couples wanted to get photographed in front of them, girls were holding them in front to get their pictures taken, giggling and laughing all the time. It seemed like innocent fun.
May be if I was new to Bologna, I would have got scandalised but with the Neptune statue right in the middle of the Bologna city square showing off the family jewels unashamedly and the story they tell about the prudish chruchmen of sixteenth century wanting to cover it but citizens of Bologna voted to keep it that way, open and nude, perhaps I have also got used to similar sights. Plus it is common to find penis shaped pasta, that is sometimes gifted for marriages & birthdays to the future brides and grooms. So I thought making chocolate in that shape was a nice commerical idea, also took a picture, moved ahead and forgot about it.
Next day morning when I read in the newspaer that one of our municiple council members, one Ms. Santandrea, had been to the fair, and had found those chocolates to be offensive and thus police was called, Cristina Merlin was asked to pay a fine of some 200 Euros and to remove those penis chocolates from her shop. As expected this has awakened some Bologna citizens who say that the chocolates are innocent and the council member is a hypocrite. Predictably, the church representatives have welcomed the "end to the depravity".
So if you want to have a copy of the porno stars' endowment, you must now go to Cento to Cristina's shop called Omar, it will no longer be available in the chocolate fair in Bologna!
That is what happened day before yesterday in the main city square. There was the annual chocolate fair that brings chocolate makers and people who love eating chocolates from all over Italy to Bologna for three days. It is a unique opportunity to taste special handmade chocolates in special tastes that you can't find in shops and superstores selling packaged factory made chocolates.
Among the different chocolate makers was also "Roccocicco chocolate company" from a small city called Cento near Bologna. Cristina Merlin the chocolate maker along with her pastry maker husband likes making funny shaped chocolates, among which a special version of penis shaped chocolates called Rocco, named after the Italian porno star Rocco Siffredi. Cristina claimed that those chocolates are modelled after the real specimen of the pornostar though reduced in dimensions.
Walking through the shops in the chocolate fair, I noticed the crowd in front of Cristina's Roccociocco shop. She had a much bigger varieties of chocolates compared to the other shops, with specialities like chocolate covered cheese in different colours, bugs bunny shaped chocolates, etc. However, the most popular product of her shop were those penis shaped chocolates costing 10 Euro each. Couples wanted to get photographed in front of them, girls were holding them in front to get their pictures taken, giggling and laughing all the time. It seemed like innocent fun.
May be if I was new to Bologna, I would have got scandalised but with the Neptune statue right in the middle of the Bologna city square showing off the family jewels unashamedly and the story they tell about the prudish chruchmen of sixteenth century wanting to cover it but citizens of Bologna voted to keep it that way, open and nude, perhaps I have also got used to similar sights. Plus it is common to find penis shaped pasta, that is sometimes gifted for marriages & birthdays to the future brides and grooms. So I thought making chocolate in that shape was a nice commerical idea, also took a picture, moved ahead and forgot about it.
Next day morning when I read in the newspaer that one of our municiple council members, one Ms. Santandrea, had been to the fair, and had found those chocolates to be offensive and thus police was called, Cristina Merlin was asked to pay a fine of some 200 Euros and to remove those penis chocolates from her shop. As expected this has awakened some Bologna citizens who say that the chocolates are innocent and the council member is a hypocrite. Predictably, the church representatives have welcomed the "end to the depravity".
So if you want to have a copy of the porno stars' endowment, you must now go to Cento to Cristina's shop called Omar, it will no longer be available in the chocolate fair in Bologna!
Mercy killing
A friend sent this to me and I think that it is worth sharing:
We were talking about life and death.
I said to her, "Don't let me live like a vegetable, completely dependent upon a machine, getting fed from a bottle. If I ever come to that state, switch off all those machines and remove the bottle..."
She got up, switched off the TV and the computer and took away my beer bottle....
We were talking about life and death.
I said to her, "Don't let me live like a vegetable, completely dependent upon a machine, getting fed from a bottle. If I ever come to that state, switch off all those machines and remove the bottle..."
She got up, switched off the TV and the computer and took away my beer bottle....
Heaviest element known to science
Got this from a colleague in an email:
A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Governmentium". Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass." When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium - an element which radiates just as much energy as the Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Governmentium". Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass." When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium - an element which radiates just as much energy as the Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
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